I’ve recently noticed several signs of adulthood in my behaviour. At first I was horrified, but I have come to accept, even enjoy, the natural ageing process

I nearly drove into a wall the other day, because I couldn’t take my eyes off some spectacular wisteria. Ten years ago I doubt I would have even noticed it, or known what it was, never mind been so transfixed that I unwittingly endangered my life. It’s pretty much invisible in your youth, and then suddenly, at a certain age, or stage, you see it, appreciate it and become mesmerised by its impressive display.

My botanical brush with death was the moment that I knew for certain: no matter how I feel inside, I am now unquestionably a grownup. This wisteria hysteria isn’t an isolated incident, of course. There have been several other definitely adult signifiers:

Of all the traditions humans thoughtlessly adopt, being socially obliged to touch someone when introduced to them is one of the worst. Good on young people for refusing

Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. A person, place or thing you perhaps took for granted exits your existence, and only then do you appreciate what they meant to you, how important they were. This is not one of those times. New research has revealed that the handshake is in danger of becoming extinct, and surely we’re united in planning to dance on its grave, shouting “Good riddance!” and spraying champagne, Grand Prix-style.

A survey of 2,000 parents and their teenage children, by ACS International Schools, provides much hope for the future, as today’s teens seem to have their priorities correct. An impressive 59% “go to lengths” to avoid small talk; 28% don’t like answering the door or phone if they don’t know who’s calling; and 24% find giving a handshake excruciating. It would be interesting to find out the percentage of adults who agree – 98%? The other 2% being those who consider Sun Tzu’s The Art of War a business manual, and are focused on putting their free hand on top of the handshake to assert dominance, before the other party can beat them to it.

We all know a person who sees every chat as an opportunity to go on and on about themselves. And sometimes that person is us …

Name: Conversational narcissism.

Age: Christened in 1979.

In a world teeming with social media and smart devices, there are many ways to upset people, whether you’re checking your watch notifications or sending a voice note without a text to explain the subject. Here’s how to navigate it all

In an age of smartphones, social media and instant communication, it has never been easier to connect … or to offend everyone around us. Many of today’s most common etiquette breaches stem not from malice but from convenience: a badly written message, a thoughtless post, a device that demands our attention. Yet good manners still hinge on the same old principle: consideration for others. From eschewing headphones on public transport to ghosting invitations and sharing thoughtlessly online, here are some of the most common modern etiquette mistakes, why they grate, and how they can be avoided.

I’ve spent my adult years fighting to pay the bill, drinking insultingly weak cups of tea and making small talk on the bus. But life is too short

Sunday lunch guests often check in the day before, but this text was different. Rather than making sure of the time, or wondering what to bring, it was a bold, direct question. “Is it cold in your house?”

I stared at my phone screen in awe. This was revolutionary. I’ve been freezing in so many homes, but it had never occurred to me to make temperature inquiries in advance so I could wear a thicker jumper or thermals. Even if I’d had the idea, I probably wouldn’t have followed through for fear of appearing rude, preferring instead to slowly lose the feeling in my toes. But here was proof that, for a host, this kind of query is welcome – after all, most people want their guests to be comfortable and have a nice time, unless they’re a dominatrix.

It seemed hard to believe, and it was even harder to clean. All I know about the culprit is that they must be agile

Last summer, I found poo in the wheelie bin. Nothing unusual there: you can’t blame dog walkers for a reluctance to tote warm sacks in a heatwave. But this was different. This was unbagged and … not canine.

Had our bin really moonlit as a loo? It seemed hard to believe. Someone would have had to trundle it from its traditional position by the path, line it up with the wall, flip its lid, walk into the neighbours’ garden, climb on to their bike shed and strategically crouch, conscious that one false wobble could be, if not fatal, then certainly quite messy. In full view of the street. On a sort of podium. When a handy hedge was right there. Surely not?

Are influencers really the biggest problem facing waiting staff? Not compared with the customer who demanded I pick up her dog’s poo ...

Influencers have had a bad time of it at restaurants recently. There they are, just trying to record a quick video and take a few pictures of their lunch, and restaurateur Jeremy King (of the Ivy and the Wolseley in London) goes and writes an article saying they’re ruining the dining experience of “bona fide guests” – something he says staff are “desperately trying to stop”. I’ve read pieces calling TikTok the end of the London restaurant scene. Friends’ parents have even said they would get up and leave if they were sitting next to anyone filming their meal.

This surprises me. I have worked as a waitress in restaurants for more than five years, a job I love, and the joys of which most often come from the customers I serve. Of course, for every 10 great customers, you’re bound to get one that’s not so great – I’ve come across my fair share of those.

Forget fear of public speaking. A lot of people now shy away completely from speaking to anyone in public. But if we learn to do this it’s enriching, for ourselves and society

It started with two incidents on the same day. In a fairly empty train carriage, a stranger in her 70s approached me: “Do you mind if I sit here? Or did you want to be alone with your thoughts?” I weighed it up for a split second, conscious that I was, in effect, agreeing to a conversation: “No, of course I don’t mind. Sit down.”

She turned out to be an agreeable, kind woman who had had a difficult day. I didn’t have to say much: “I’m sorry to hear that.” “That’s tough for you.” She occasionally asked me questions about myself, which I dodged politely. I could tell she was only asking so the conversation would not be so one-sided. Some moments are for listening, not sharing. I sensed, without needing to know explicitly, that she was probably returning to an empty house and wanted to process the day out loud. I didn’t feel uncomfortable, as I knew I could duck out at any moment by saying I needed to get back to my phone messages. But instead we talked – or, rather, I listened – for most of the 50-minute journey. I registered that it was an unusual occurrence, this connection, but thought little more of it. A small part of me was glad this kind of thing still happens.

We all know one – and there’s a good chance you fall into the category yourself. Here’s how to recognise if you’re a ‘walking, talking red flag’ …

Name: Finger princess.

Age: The term circulated this month, but the behaviour has been escalating across digital communication for some time.

There used to be hundreds of pie and mash shops in London. Now there are barely more than 30. Can social media attention and a push for protected status ensure their survival?

Outside it’s raining so hard that the sandwich board sign for BJ’s pie and mash (“All pies are made on the premises”) is folded up inside. The pavement along Barking Road in Plaistow is a blur through the front windows and deserted, and there are only two customers in the shop. Another sign – this one on the counter – says “CASH ONLY”.

Card machine companies often tell proprietor Nathan Jacobi that he’s missing out by not catering to customers who favour cashless transactions. “They’re the ones missing out,” he says. “Cos they ain’t getting pie and mash.”

Solid doors are being replaced with sliding ones, or even transparent cubicles. For furious guests, this is a cost-cutting measure too far

Name: Hotel bathroom doors.

Age: Solid doors have existed since ancient Egypt.

Jumping up as soon as the seatbelt sign goes off can provoke fury among fellow passengers. And what goes on at the luggage carousel is possibly even worse …

Name: “Aisle lice”.

Age: Any age, as long as they’re ambulatory.

Britons now send an average of 58 hours’ worth of these messages a year. But what about the recipients who are experiencing ‘voice note fatigue’?

Name: Voice notes.

Age: About 14.

From picking your guests (always add a random) and your outfit, to coping with drunks and nudity, this is what you need to know

When I was young, I thought the worst thing you could do, as a host, was to run out of booze. Then, when I was less young, I thought it was to not have enough food, and now I am perfectly wise, I know that those things don’t matter at all, because you can always go to the shop. The important thing is not to look harried, and to not look that way, you need to not be that way.

Whether it’s panicking about the mess, forgetting drinks orders or frantically asking if people are having fun, I’m no fun at parties. How do the bon vivants do it?

Being a bad friend is presumably like being a narcissist – wondering whether you are one probably means that you’re not. However, a writer for the US magazine People questioned this topic just this week, with an article asking if she was letting down her mates by refusing to host Friendsgiving. (For the unfamilar, this is Thanksgiving you spend with friends rather than family, and is increasingly popular in the UK.) She has a good reason though. “I simply don’t want people in my house.”

After mentioning “the foot traffic, the proximity to my stuff, the general vibes of it all”, she admitted, “there is a rhythm and reason to the way my fruit bowl is organised, how my coffee table books are placed and how my cushions lie on the sofa. I would hate to be half-cooking, half-monitoring my guests to make sure no one has their feet on my coffee table and everyone is using coasters. (I’ve seen those types of hosts, and they are the type guests talk about on their way back home!).”

Feeling overwhelmed by divisive opinions, endless rows and unreliable facts? Here’s how to weather the data storm

We all live in history. A lot of the problems that face us, and the opportunities that present themselves, are defined not by our own choices or even the specific place or government we’re living under, but by the particular epoch of human events that our lives happen to coincide with.

The Industrial Revolution, for example, presented opportunities for certain kinds of business success – it made some people very rich while others were exploited. If you’d known that was the name of your era, it would have given you a clue about what kinds of events to prepare for. So I’m suggesting a name for the era we’re living through: the Information Crisis.