Do you keep your headphones on at the checkout? Or chat people up then never follow through? You need our expert guide to the new social faux pas – and how to avoid them

***

The long-running series in which readers answer other readers’ questions on subjects ranging from trivial flights of fancy to profound scientific and philosophical concepts

This week’s question: Are there places on Earth where humans haven’t been?

Why does silence feel so horribly awkward? Ruth Thompson, by email

Send new questions to nq@theguardian.com.

Someone you know well: silence is fine. Not listening to them is fine, too, but you might wish to tell them that you are switching off, just in case they have something of import to say.

Someone you don’t know and do not plan to know: silence is fine.

Someone you do not know, but will have to know (colleague, inherited family members): talk about the weather, scenery, seating, anything bland and immediate.

Someone you do not know or not well but looks scared or stressed (shivering, twisting hands, looking like they need the loo): smile blandly and make a small comment that does not require an answer.

Blame my uncle and his contempt for rules and regulations

My uncle has a mature and beautiful gingko tree, which also goes by the name of memory tree, which is a little ironic because he can’t remember where he put his hearing aid batteries, and yet he can recollect with pin-sharp detail the exact moment this tree’s predecessor was confiscated by a customs official on the way back from the unnamed country he was smuggling it in from.

“Smuggling” was a large and entirely wrong word for a tiny sapling that wasn’t harming anyone, he said, but they took it off him anyway and destroyed it, a decades-old outrage that felt pretty fresh. I’m a little hazy on how the current tree came to arrive in his garden, whether that first one was a decoy and he was packing two trees, but let’s just say that couldn’t possibly have happened because this definitely isn’t the same uncle who brought seven varieties of seed potato back from a family wedding in Germany in 1985, by putting them in my and my siblings’ pockets, because what kind of customs monster would search a child?

Take off your shirt on a Narbonne street and it will cost you €150. Could it happen in the UK? I sincerely hope not

Watch out if you’re heading to France this summer: dozens of towns have started fining men for walking around with their tops off. Actually, it’s not specific to men; I just assume they’re more likely to strip off. Narbonne, near the Mediterranean coast, has joined at least 30 other municipalities in banning anyone from wandering around town bare-chested, in swimwear or even barefoot, with a €150 (£130) fine for those flashing excess flesh (according to France Télévision, about 15 people were fined when Narbonne started enforcing its “please stay dressed” code last summer).

Could it happen in Britain? Quite apart from the police resourcing crisis, I’m struggling to imagine officers getting people to cover up in Glasgow, where stripping down at the first glimpse of the weakest rays of sunshine is a venerable civic tradition, and a public-spirited website tracks whether it’s “taps-aff” or “taps-oan” weather (a windless, clear, 17C is the threshold for taps-aff according to site creator Colin Waddell, if you’re wondering).

Disruption during performance of Inter Alia comes weeks after Pike berated audience member for texting during play

Rosamund Pike kept her cool after a phone alarm in the front row interrupted a performance of Inter Alia on Saturday afternoon.

The actor berated an audience member earlier this month for texting on their phone during the performance at Wyndham’s theatre in London.

What about using voice notes, or calling someone totally unannounced? Experts give their verdict on how to use your phone without causing offence

It is not news that many of us are addicted to our phones and nor is it a revelation that inconsiderate public behaviour now appears to be the norm, but when the two collide it can cause anger. Last week, at the end of a performance of the drama Inter Alia in London’s West End, the actor Rosamund Pike took to the stage after the curtain call to announce that she had seen someone texting during the performance. “I just wanted to say for anyone going to the theatre, it’s a huge thing that we’re trying to give you. I am trying to tell you a story, and I’m feeling you, and I hope you’re feeling me too … Maybe it was very important, and maybe you’re a doctor, and you’re saving someone’s life, and I hope you are, but we do see these, we do feel them.”

What is the correct etiquette when using your phone? Myka Meier, author of Modern Etiquette Made Easy, says: “It is always thinking about other people before yourself when you’re on the phone.” This also means being aware of how disabled people might use, and rely on, their phones. As an academic with hearing loss pointed out to the BBC after Pike’s comments, bans on phones in theatres, or public shaming, could exclude disabled people in audiences, such as those who use hearing aid apps and need to adjust the settings.

They text, they chat, they throw popcorn: some people would rather do anything than just sit and watch a show. And my friend and I have the mental scars to prove it

Rosamund Pike probably lost a fan last weekend, while simultaneously gaining many more. The secret texter she called out without identifying presumably wasn’t too thrilled to be unnamed but shamed at the end of Pike’s play Inter Alia, but for everybody who has ever had a bad trip to the theatre, it was a good point, well-made and about time, too.

After the final curtain, Pike returned to the stage to explain: “I am trying to tell you a story, and I’m feeling you, and I hope you’re feeling me too ... Maybe it was very important, and maybe you’re a doctor, and you’re saving someone’s life, and I hope you are, but we do see these, we do feel them.”

Actor tells theatregoers she hoped message was ‘very important’ after final bows of Inter Alia performance

Rosamund Pike has criticised an audience member for texting during the climax of her West End performance, saying she hoped the message was “very important”.

After a performance of Inter Alia on Saturday, Pike returned to the stage after the final bows. She told the audience at Wyndham’s theatre in London: “I just wanted to say for anyone going to the theatre, it’s a huge thing that we’re trying to give you. I am trying to tell you a story, and I’m feeling you, and I hope you’re feeling me too.”

From South Carolina to Dorset, Australia to the Costa del Sol, beachgoers are complaining that oversized canopies, parasols and gazebos are spoiling their day out. And they’re not going to take it lying down

Name: Shade wars.

Age: In this instance, quite new.

Deciding who can come along to your big day is always a sensitive issue. But Tay-Tay may have known what she was doing when she banned a singleton from bringing a friend

Name: Plus-ones.

Age: Bringing a partner along has been going on a while, possibly since Noah invited a pair of every animal on board the ark …

He gets slammed as an entitled nepo baby, and just keeps doing what he enjoys, unruffled. Here are five things I’d do, if only I had his confidence

Nepo babies provoke a unique brand of ire. Fittingly, they seem to bring out the toddler in many of us; a foot-stamping tantrum sense of but that’s not fair. These privileged golden children are born into guaranteed luxury and opportunity they haven’t worked for, and – we are convinced, despite never having met them – do not deserve.

Some nepo babies attract fury by lazing around on constant holidays, or securing starring roles far beyond their skill set, others because they indulge in wild-eyed, consequence-free party lifestyles. Brooklyn Beckham does it by making sandwiches.

They just want to help children safely across the road on their way to and from school. Yet lollipop people are having to wear body cameras after an increase in abusive and dangerous drivers. How did things get so out of hand?

There aren’t many jobs that often involve jumping out of the path of speeding cars – but for the lollipop people of Britain today, this is the sad reality. And it doesn’t stop there: aggression, swearing and middle fingers are just a few examples of the intimidation and abuse they face on our roads.

“Oh my God, I mean, abuse of lollipop people? What has the world come to?” says Lynne Gorrara. It’s a crisp, sunny afternoon in Ipswich and the 61-year-old is holding a towering stop sign above her head, clearing a crossing for a stream of schoolchildren. This spot – on a narrow residential road, with a hospital in one direction and shops in the other – is notorious for abusive drivers.

In some places, a half-birthday allows you to learn to drive or join the army. But for others, it’s a way to embrace the midpoint of each year of life

Six months after Lorraine C Ladish turned 59, she began to get emails – from fashion stores, the supermarket, the opticians – offering her a discount. Her half-birthday was coming up, the emails said. She used one of the offers to buy a magenta leather jacket and posted her celebration on TikTok. Ladish is a digital content creator who says she makes “a living out of sharing my age online”. But what really appealed to her about marking the midpoint between birthdays was the chance to “squeeze every second, every month, out of my late 50s”.

Ladish is not alone. Half-birthdays are having a moment. Or, at least, a fraction of a moment. On TikTok there are half-cake designs, half-birthday banners, half-birthday cards – sometimes, they are whole ones brutally sheared – and half-candles. One French brand even released a comma candle for cake decorators wishing to celebrate a half-birthday decimally.

Are you late so often that it’s become your entire personality? Just know this: you are the worst

No matter the rumours, no matter the truth, Hollywood convention dictates that all actors describe whatever cast they’ve been part of as “one big happy family”. This rule being broken, and by a true legend – albeit 33 years later – means something serious must have taken place. Which it did.

In a new interview with Vanity Fair, Meryl Streep has disclosed that she had “beef” with her Death Becomes Her co-star Goldie Hawn because she was always late for filming. “She had a red convertible, I remember, and she’d drive herself to set. She had her hair all … ‘Oh gosh, sorry!’ And everybody thought: ‘Oh, she’s so cute.’”

I’ve recently noticed several signs of adulthood in my behaviour. At first I was horrified, but I have come to accept, even enjoy, the natural ageing process

I nearly drove into a wall the other day, because I couldn’t take my eyes off some spectacular wisteria. Ten years ago I doubt I would have even noticed it, or known what it was, never mind been so transfixed that I unwittingly endangered my life. It’s pretty much invisible in your youth, and then suddenly, at a certain age, or stage, you see it, appreciate it and become mesmerised by its impressive display.

My botanical brush with death was the moment that I knew for certain: no matter how I feel inside, I am now unquestionably a grownup. This wisteria hysteria isn’t an isolated incident, of course. There have been several other definitely adult signifiers:

Of all the traditions humans thoughtlessly adopt, being socially obliged to touch someone when introduced to them is one of the worst. Good on young people for refusing

Sometimes you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone. A person, place or thing you perhaps took for granted exits your existence, and only then do you appreciate what they meant to you, how important they were. This is not one of those times. New research has revealed that the handshake is in danger of becoming extinct, and surely we’re united in planning to dance on its grave, shouting “Good riddance!” and spraying champagne, Grand Prix-style.

A survey of 2,000 parents and their teenage children, by ACS International Schools, provides much hope for the future, as today’s teens seem to have their priorities correct. An impressive 59% “go to lengths” to avoid small talk; 28% don’t like answering the door or phone if they don’t know who’s calling; and 24% find giving a handshake excruciating. It would be interesting to find out the percentage of adults who agree – 98%? The other 2% being those who consider Sun Tzu’s The Art of War a business manual, and are focused on putting their free hand on top of the handshake to assert dominance, before the other party can beat them to it.

We all know a person who sees every chat as an opportunity to go on and on about themselves. And sometimes that person is us …

Name: Conversational narcissism.

Age: Christened in 1979.

In a world teeming with social media and smart devices, there are many ways to upset people, whether you’re checking your watch notifications or sending a voice note without a text to explain the subject. Here’s how to navigate it all

In an age of smartphones, social media and instant communication, it has never been easier to connect … or to offend everyone around us. Many of today’s most common etiquette breaches stem not from malice but from convenience: a badly written message, a thoughtless post, a device that demands our attention. Yet good manners still hinge on the same old principle: consideration for others. From eschewing headphones on public transport to ghosting invitations and sharing thoughtlessly online, here are some of the most common modern etiquette mistakes, why they grate, and how they can be avoided.

I’ve spent my adult years fighting to pay the bill, drinking insultingly weak cups of tea and making small talk on the bus. But life is too short

Sunday lunch guests often check in the day before, but this text was different. Rather than making sure of the time, or wondering what to bring, it was a bold, direct question. “Is it cold in your house?”

I stared at my phone screen in awe. This was revolutionary. I’ve been freezing in so many homes, but it had never occurred to me to make temperature inquiries in advance so I could wear a thicker jumper or thermals. Even if I’d had the idea, I probably wouldn’t have followed through for fear of appearing rude, preferring instead to slowly lose the feeling in my toes. But here was proof that, for a host, this kind of query is welcome – after all, most people want their guests to be comfortable and have a nice time, unless they’re a dominatrix.

It seemed hard to believe, and it was even harder to clean. All I know about the culprit is that they must be agile

Last summer, I found poo in the wheelie bin. Nothing unusual there: you can’t blame dog walkers for a reluctance to tote warm sacks in a heatwave. But this was different. This was unbagged and … not canine.

Had our bin really moonlit as a loo? It seemed hard to believe. Someone would have had to trundle it from its traditional position by the path, line it up with the wall, flip its lid, walk into the neighbours’ garden, climb on to their bike shed and strategically crouch, conscious that one false wobble could be, if not fatal, then certainly quite messy. In full view of the street. On a sort of podium. When a handy hedge was right there. Surely not?