Andy Burnham takes round one of the big byelection bout while Reform’s Rob Kenyon takes aim at himself

Seconds out … Round one. In the left corner we have the middleweight King of the North … Andy Burnham. In the far-right corner we have the total lightweight … Rob “The Plumber” Kenyon. On the undercard, we have three nonentities we can barely bring ourselves to mention. Mike “The Tory” Winstanley, Sarah “The Green” Wakefield and Jake “The Lib Dem” Austin. And if you think these three are dopey, you should see some of the other candidates in the Makerfield byelection who we didn’t invite.

Thursday night’s edition of BBC Question Time had come billed as the great showdown between Burnham and Kenyon with three no-hopers hung out as a veneer of impartiality. But no matter how much the presenter, Fiona Bruce, tried to hype up the programme as television gold, the excitement never really got started. The showdown was that the showdown never happened.

The Green party leader is riding high in the polls. But across the political spectrum, uncritical adulation leads nowhere fast

Shortly after Donald Trump launched his first White House run in 2015, television’s Kelly Osbourne made one of her regular appearances on The View, which is basically the American version of Loose Women but doesn’t feel the need to have a cringey title. Trump had made some extremely nasty comments about Mexican immigrants, and Kelly had a rhetorical question for the other ladies gathered round the wood-effect dining table that morning. “You kick every Latino out of this country,” she sassed, “then WHO is going to be cleaning your toilet, Donald Trump?”

Oooooof. The reaction from fellow panellist Rosie Perez was instantaneously negative, to the point that even Kelly realised in the moment that this needed clean-up. Apparently there weren’t any willing rubber-gloved Latinos on hand, so madam was going to have to do it herself. “I didn’t mean it like that,” Osbourne shot back. “Come on! You know I would never mean it like that! I’m not part of this argument.” A media firestorm nonetheless ensued, though Kelly declined to apologise for even the appearance of racism, I think on the basis that people like her simply are not capable of subconsciously holding unpleasant views that they accidentally reveal while making important TV appearances.

Marina Hyde is a Guardian columnist